Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in lindsey_452's LiveJournal:

Friday, November 17th, 2006
12:50 am	These are my snow covered dreams…this is me She turned me into what I am today; she made me a better person. Not just mentally, but physically. I’ve got super strength and all the other shit, sure there’s the whole dealing with massive amounts of blinding pain during the change, but she keeps saying the pain will lessen, she never said it would stop, but then again I don’t imagine it ever stopping. I’m talking my bones are being broken and then becoming bigger and that shit fucking hurts. It almost makes me wish I was still dead. Almost. I’ve got Laurel though, as long as she’s on my side and has my back I’d deal with the pain and live with it. She’s my everything. I never knew that one person could make me feel so good and make everything better. No matter what we have to deal with; as long as we’re together it will all work out. I honestly believe that. Till death do us part. We should get married, not that I need a ring on my finger to make me hers. I’m already hers… until I die. That’s it! Propose to her. That’s the new plan Lindsey, show her how much she means to you. Show her that you’ll cherish her until you die. You’ll do anything for her. Make her your wife. I’m thinking it’s a great idea; except for the fact she probably thinks it’s a stupid human tradition, but that’s ok, I’m still going to give it a shot. I’ve got nothing to lose, she says no? Well that would definitely be a bad thing and I’d probably flip out and kill a lot of people, but what are the chances of that? Pretty high actually. Remind her that you’re really human and that you’re nothing compared to her. Show her that you’re an idiot and you’re a love sick puppy. Show her that you need to be coddled and that you need a ring to show other people that she’s taken. The inner thoughts here are killing me. I’m a loss of what to do. I wait until we’re back at the house and after some more sex we’re both exhausted and we both fall asleep. I keep dreaming about proposing to her and sliding a ring onto her finger, I can see the ring perfectly in my dream, the way it fits onto her finger and the way it sparkles on her hand. I wake up with an ear to ear grin. I look over to her and then lean over to kiss her bare shoulder, “I love you Laurel.” I say softly as I slide out of bed and pull the blankets up around her and then kiss her forehead again as I get dressed and then head out. I manage to “talk” the driver into taking me to a jewelry store, he doesn’t seem to eager, but I let out a growl and give him a look to kill and he lowers his head and does as he’s told. Yeah, that’s right bitch! You’re my bitch! Ok, so he’s Laurel’s bitch, but he still listened like a good dog. I walk into the jewelry shop and the man comes out from the back and offers to help me. “Yeah, I’m looking for a specific engagement ring.” I say as I look over the cases and then finally see it, a gorgeous diamond ring with a diamond encrusted band; it’s exactly what I saw in my dream. “That’s it.” I say as I point to the ring. “Wow, that’s quite a nice ring. Great choice.” The man says as he opens the glass door and then takes it out and hands it to me. I hold it up to the light and watch as it sparkles, it’s perfect. I put the ring back in the box and then sniff to see if anyone else is around, I can’t pick up on anyone else. I lean over and grab the man by his collar and pull him over the counter as I throw him onto the ground letting out a growl. I jump onto of him and then reach around his neck as I squeeze and then flick my wrist as his neck snaps. I stand up and dust myself off as I get up and then pick the box up and put it into my pocket. Then I hear a familiar sound of a gun cocking. ( Just wish I didn’t feel like there was something I missed, and I take back all the things I said to make you feel like that ) Everything fades so easily... (Comment on this)
Friday, November 3rd, 2006
3:25 pm	Getting out of hell I can’t believe I’m still here. I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and realize it was all some sick, twisted, and elaborate dream. I’ll wake up next to Eve, in our bed. The tattoos still on my body and everything the way it should be; my heart beating, my body warm, warm blood flowing through my veins, and the whole being alive and not being in hell. Granted if that were true, it would be one severely disturbing dream, in which case I’d never sleep again. So maybe it’s a good thing that I’m stuck here in hell, I mean where else would I be? Dead? I am dead though, that’s the thing. I thought you were supposed to move on and be at peace, isn’t that why people wrote Rest in Peace on tombstones? Not things like Rot in Hell Bastard! So here we again, day what? I used to keep track, trying to make tick marks on the wall, floor, or anything I could, but it seemed pointless, I didn’t even know when the day started or ended. I just made tick marks after I was tortured and went to sleep. Although there’s a couple saying that depict exactly how it felt: A watched pot never boils. Time was moving so slowly it felt like watching grass grow. I couldn’t think of the rest, it seems like there were more, but I never really understood the point of the idiotic things like that. They should add a new one though; it could read: Counting the days in hell is like counting how many times you blink in a lifetime. By the time you learn to count, you’ve already missed out on about 4 years and you lose count after a while. Ok, so it’s too long and it’s not really a great saying, but that’s why I stopped counting. How can you measure infinity? You can’t, that’s the point of infinity. I’d never thought I’d envy Angel, or any other vampire for that sake. I mean besides being the worst excuse for space ever. They’re dead, but they aren’t in hell, sure Angel deals with his curse, but he’s not in hell, he’s still around walking around Earth and doing things that normal people do, well minus the walk in the sun and breathing, but for the most part, it’s the same. Instead…here I am, in hell….rotting…forgotten. A washed up has been…that’s what I am now. This is what I’ve become. It’s at that moment that a guard comes in, he looks like a security guard, maybe a secret service guy. He pulls me to my feet and then throws a few punches, he seems human though. I take it and fall to the ground, only to be picked up again by him before being tossed against the wall. I slide down the wall, blood dripping from my nose, lip, or head, I’m not even sure at this point, but everything hurts. I’m used to it for the most part, this is nothing, this must be the beginning of some new elaborate torture plan that they have. The man pulls out his revolver and then drops it, and kicks it over to me. “Here’s your chance” He says as he turns around and leaves. I hear the door close and the lock slide into place, it’s not a big lock, just a lock on the handle, I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I’d be able to get out, but where would I go? I don’t even know why they bother locking the door. I have nowhere to run, nowhere to go. I fall asleep and wake up, the dim light from the torches in the hall illuminating my room, the fire flickers and makes the shadows on my walls dance. I see the gun laying there, mocking me. I crawl over towards it, and grasp it, the cool metal feels so strange in my hands. I hold the gun next to my face, welcoming the cool feeling on my flushed cheeks. I slept again, holding the gun and almost using it as a pillow, when I woke up, the room was brighter that it had been last night, but still dark, it’s hell. What else is to be expected? I finally sit up and take the gun, deciding on whether or not it’s even worth killing myself. Can I die again? I’m not even sure it’s possible. Could I take my own life? I had been thinking about it since the gun was presented to me, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I’ve made my decision. I put the muzzle next to my temple. This is where I’m supposed to say a prayer, something to help put me at ease. “Rest in peace,” I say aloud. It’s the first thing I can think of. It takes a few minutes, but I finally pull the trigger… I hear the hammer cock back, but nothing happens. The guns empty, I squeeze the trigger a few more times, and realize there is no ammunition. I finally flip the gun and check for live rounds and realize there is one bullet in the magazine. I slide it back in and then pull the trigger again. BANG! The sound is deafening, and everything seems to fade out and there’s finally the light at the end of the tunnel Or something pretty damn close, but since I can still hear the ringing in my ears, I’m assuming I’m still alive. Damn it! I open my eyes and then realize that I’m not in my cell and I’m still holding the gun. I look at the gun and then around my surroundings again. Where the hell am I? Have I moved onto a new level of hell? Is it going to get worse? Can it get worse? I’d hate to try and guess what this new hell has to offer. I look up at the tree it’s giving off a vibe, I can’t tell what it is, but it’s incredibly powerful. I look at the gun and then realize that the bullets are dummy’s. Same sound but no projectile. Ain’t that a bitch. I get to my feet and turn around seeing the lights and mansion. I can hear the music from here. There’s no screaming, but maybe that’s because I’m not there yet, is thing where a group of people rip me apart? Oh the joy, I can’t wait. I better not keep them waiting. Idle hands are the devil’s play things. I really shouldn’t keep him waiting and give him more time to think about things. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 29th, 2006
8:28 am	I can’t believe I’m still here. I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and realize it was all some sick, twisted, and elaborate dream. I’ll wake up next to Eve, in our bed. The tattoos still on my body and everything the way it should be; my heart beating, my body warm, warm blood flowing through my veins, and the whole being alive and not being in hell. Granted if that were true, it would be one severely disturbing dream, in which case I’d never sleep again. So maybe it’s a good thing that I’m stuck here in hell, I mean where else would I be? Dead? I am dead though, that’s the thing. I thought you were supposed to move on and be at peace, isn’t that why people wrote Rest in Peace on tombstones? Not things like Rot in Hell Bastard!   So here we again, day what? I used to keep track, trying to make tick marks on the wall, floor, or anything I could, but it seemed pointless, I didn’t even know when the day started or ended. I just made tick marks after I was tortured and went to sleep. Although there’s a couple saying that depict exactly how it felt:   A watched pot never boils.   Time was moving so slowly it felt like watching grass grow.   I couldn’t think of the rest, it seems like there were more, but I never really understood the point of the idiotic things like that. They should add a new one though; it could read:   Counting the days in hell is like counting how many times you blink in a lifetime. By the time you learn to count, you’ve already missed out on about 4 years and you lose count after a while.   Ok, so it’s too long and it’s not really a great saying, but that’s why I stopped counting. How can you measure infinity? You can’t, that’s the point of infinity.   I’d never thought I’d envy Angel, or any other vampire for that sake. I mean besides being the worst excuse for space ever. They’re dead, but they aren’t in hell, sure Angel deals with his curse, but he’s not in hell, he’s still around walking around Earth and doing things that normal people do, well minus the walk in the sun and breathing, but for the most part, it’s the same. Instead…here I am, in hell….rotting…forgotten. A washed up has been…that’s what I am now. This is what I’ve become.   It’s at that moment that a guard comes in, he looks like a security guard, maybe a secret service guy. He pulls me to my feet and then throws a few punches, he seems human though. I take it and fall to the ground, only to be picked up again by him before being tossed against the wall. I slide down the wall, blood dripping from my nose, lip, or head, I’m not even sure at this point, but everything hurts. I’m used to it for the most part, this is nothing, this must be the beginning of some new elaborate torture plan that they have.   The man pulls out his revolver and then drops it, and kicks it over to me. “Here’s your chance” He says as he turns around and leaves. I hear the door close and the lock slide into place, it’s not a big lock, just a lock on the handle, I’m sure that if I tried hard enough I’d be able to get out, but where would I go? I don’t even know why they bother locking the door. I have nowhere to run, nowhere to go.   I fall asleep and wake up, the dim light from the torches in the hall illuminating my room, the fire flickers and makes the shadows on my walls dance. I see the gun laying there, mocking me. I crawl over towards it, and grasp it, the cool metal feels so strange in my hands. I hold the gun next to my face, welcoming the cool feeling on my flushed cheeks.   I slept again, holding the gun and almost using it as a pillow, when I woke up, the room was brighter that it had been last night, but still dark, it’s hell. What else is to be expected?   I finally sit up and take the gun, deciding on whether or not it’s even worth killing myself. Can I die again? I’m not even sure it’s possible. Could I take my own life? I had been thinking about it since the gun was presented to me, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I’ve made my decision.   I put the muzzle next to my temple. This is where I’m supposed to say a prayer, something to help put me at ease.   “Rest in peace,” I say aloud. It’s the first thing I can think of.   It takes a few minutes, but I finally pull the trigger…   I hear the hammer cock back, but nothing happens. The guns empty, I squeeze the trigger a few more times, and realize there is no ammunition. I finally flip the gun and check for live rounds and realize there is one bullet in the magazine. I slide it back in and then pull the trigger again.   BANG!   The sound is deafening, but since I can still hear the ringing in my ears, I’m assuming I’m still alive. Damn it!   In walks the guard again, “Well, I guess you were brave enough to do it. Means that we need to step the torture up some more, you know, it’s amazing what a dummy round will do. It sounds exactly the same, but nothing comes out, it’s purely for effects. Isn’t it lovely? Stand up, come with me!” He demands.   I throw the gun to the side and do as I’m told, following his footsteps down the long corridor to my own personal hell full of torture.   I wish I was dead.     (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
11:04 pm	I always imagined hell to be well, hot and horrible and all the other non-fairytale stuff that everyone learns at Sunday school. I mean sure, the book of Revelations, goes a bit deeper and warns of the world’s impeding doom, but you see I never believed in any sort of after life, good or bad. I’ve seen way to much supernatural shit to actually believe anything, unless I’ve seen it or lived through it. My hell, you ask? Well that’s an entirely new topic. My first time…yeah, that’s right, the first time I was in hell. Everyone says that you never come back, well that’s a load of bullshit, I mean look around. Where the hell do demons and vampires and all the other shit that Wolfram and Hart employ come from? It sure as hell isn’t the white pearly gates with the luscious green grass and angels with wings and angelic voices, because obviously that’s not Wolfram and Hart’s forte. Death, Evil, and Destruction; however, is an entirely different subject. Where Wolfram and Hart completely excel and dominate.   All those times someone has ever wished something bad would happen or if something bad did happen, 99.8% of the time it was Wolfram and Hart, and the other .2% Wolfram and Hart still had a hand, claw, or paw in it. Nothing happened without someone already knowing about it. I personally think that a seer of some sort is already employed, at least someone who has the general idea of the future, granted nobody has a set destiny…unless of course you’re me. Then you’re banished to this mortal life, and even when you go to hell, you’re still being tortured.   I never really considered myself evil. Although, I’m sure I did more damage than Adolf Hitler, if the punishment is directly related to the pain and suffering I caused. I doubt Hitler has been to hell twice.   My first time was a <i> walk in the park </i> so to say, in the fact that it was the same thing over and over again. It was still horrible and I can still feel the knife being dragged along my skin, the pain, the sound, the smell, everything, it’s all so real. I was doomed to the same thing over and over again, coming home to a normal 1960’s lifestyle, and then going into the basement and having my heart ripped out.   It definitely wasn’t one of my finer moments, with the screaming and the pleading, but I’m human. I like pain as much as the next masochist but even that was too much for me. Then there was the white light, the end or something, I thought I was finally going to be rid of my soul, and feeling. Imagine my disappointment when I realized it was Angel and his stupid group of goody goods. I thought for sure I was in yet another level of hell, where Angel and his group would try to convert me to their ways and tell me that I was still worth saving or some load of bullshit. Then Gunn volunteered to take my place for eternity, I’m not sure he understood exactly what he was giving up, but I wasn’t going to give him a chance to change his mind. I jumped right on the chance to get out of my own personal hell.   Of course, I wasn’t saved because I was a saint, but because Angel needed something. I have to admit I did owe the guy, he did save me.   Then there was the little problem with the Senior partners, and of course by little I mean me running away to get tattooed, so I could slip under the radar and avoid detection, and yet another plan that was wasted when I was stripped of my tattoos and the senior partners found me, let’s just say they definitely weren’t too happy with me, but hey, my loyalties are up for the highest bidder. I’ve never been one to completely ignore deals, I mean anyone can be bought for the right price, it’s just a matter of finding that one thing that will push someone over. That’s why I was such a damn asset for Wolfram and Hart back then, I’d do anything to make sure I got my contracts signed.   Right…moving along back to my present surroundings. Quite a nice place in my head, the party never ends.   <i> “Lindsey, don’t go. Stay here, protect us!” Abby cried as she clung to my leg.   “Abby, you’ll be ok. Nothing’s going to happen, I can’t take this anymore. I refuse to be like her, white trailer trash, I’m going to make something of myself. If you’ve got half a brain you will to. Look at her, she’s nothing Abigail.” I scolded my younger sister as I pushed her away, she was only a few years younger me, and she was the acting mother to our younger brothers and sister. I was acting father, since ours had walked out on us at such a young age.   “Why does everything have to be about you Lindsey? Huh? Don’t you care? I thought family was everything! You don’t love me! Or us! You just want to get out of here, are we that disgusting that you can’t stand to be with us?!” Abby shouts.   “Abby, I told you. Go back to school, it’s not too late you can get out of here too. It’s not your job to be mom, just like it’s not my job to be dad!” I shouted back. I was angry at my mom for letting Abby drop out to take care of the kids, we never had a childhood, we were always busy taking care of each other.   “FINE! I <b>HATE</b> YOU LINDSEY! LEAVE! You’re no different than him!” She screamed tears filling her eyes. </i> That’s become quite a vivid memory lately, maybe it’s because I was watching my sister being tortured and beaten by my mom’s many boyfriends. I wouldn’t even call them that, she did whatever she could for a hit of whatever drug she was on and some free beer.   It was horrible to watch, it was as if it was a twisted and perverted home video where I had to watch these horrible things happen to my little brothers and sisters. Abby was right, I should have stayed and protected them, thinking about it now. I didn’t see it that way at the time, I was ready to get out and go to law school, that’s just me. Career driven, I always have been, looking back at my cracked out mother reminded me why I’m the way I am.   I feel horrible about the things that happened to them, but it wasn’t me doing it. I couldn’t do anything it had already happened.   Everything’s blurry again and I’m unconscious, it’s actually pretty sad. I look forward to blacking out during the torture, I end up  losing so much blood that my body collapses and I finally get sleep with no nightmares. Then I’m revived and the torture starts all over again, and all I can hear in my head is screaming and my entire body is wet, it’s blood all over me. It takes a few hours before I realize that it’s me screaming and my body is covered in sweat and I realize later that I had pissed myself, the pain so overwhelming. Once the demons leave I lift the shard of my shirt up and look at my chest, seeing the burn marks, the teeth marks from the rat, the knife marks and all sorts of bruises. I have bruises and cuts on top of cuts and bruises. I don’t know how much the human body can endure, but it sure seems like a helluva lot.   It’s time to lay on the cold floor and try to sleep and deal with more nightmares until the pain and agony starts back up.           Honestly, I never envisioned my end being at the hands of a horned green demon, especially Lorne. I always figured I’d go down in a bloody battle, with Angel looming over me and saying something sarcastic about, “I’m more human than you are. You don’t deserve to still be breathing.” I’d reply with something witty, “Right, because killing me is going to magically going to wash away every bad thing you’ve ever done.” It seems that nothing in life is ever planned though, obviously I figured that out early in life, but it’s still a shock that I died from being shot by Lorne. So much for going down in history as a great force and dying for a cause.   This is me…Lindsey McDonald, ex-lawyer, ex-brother, ex-human…this is what I’ve been reduced to. <b> A piece of meat. </b> (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
3:32 pm	SF ( Willow and then Lilah torture ) ( Lindsey and Angel ) ( Angel and Lindsey to the rescue and hospital ) ( Angel and Willow in the hospital ) ( Lindsey and Willow in the hospital ) (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
1:05 pm	Willow:I roll my eyes "What, the stalker hasn't actually taken to stalking me all the way home?" I ask with some bite. "Fine, my address is 4352 palm drive" I said "And as soon as you can get here, whenever."   Lindsey:I looked down at her file; she gave me the right address, I was shocked. "Ok, I'll be over in an hour." I hung up and then took a shower and grabbed my wallet, keys, and then went to a flower shop and bought some flowers.   Willow:I decided I better play nice so I took a shower and threw something nice on then cooked a small meal, nothing special. I wondered if I had made the right decision. I couldn't worry about that now though, I had already invited him over.   Lindsey:I pulled up to her driveway and then looked at the flowers in my hand, it was probably too much, but I told the lady at the flower shop. I had just met her and this is what she gave me. I walked up the sidewalk and knocked on her door.   Willow:I had just put the dinner in the oven and had been reading up on some demons when he showed up. I hid the books in my locked cabinet and then answered the door. "Hello."   Lindsey:I had my hand on the back of my neck when she answered the door. I stumbled with the flowers. "Hi." I said with a smile, "These are for you" I said, blushing slightly. What was it about this girl that made me feel like I was in elementary school again?! "But you probably already figured that out" I said with a smile, handing the flowers to her.   Willow:"Oh and here I thought they were for the other girl you were stalking and meeting tonight." I said with a smile as I took the flowers from him. "Thank you."   Lindsey:"well, she cancelled on me at the last minute" I said teasingly. I stood in the doorway and leaned over and kissed her cheek. I don't know what possessed me, but I just did. "Your welcome"   Willow:I backed away "Ok, so come in and...have a seat." I said as I slowly walked to the kitchen putting the flowers in a vase.   Lindsey:I looked around the place, it was very comfortable. Pictures and knick-knacks everywhere. It was incredibly..peaceful. I finally tok a seat and waited for her...I don't know what I was getting myself into.   Willow:I figured him to be a beer drinker so I pulled one out of the fridge and came back out with it. "Hope you like this kind." I said as I set it in front of him.   Lindsey:"It's perfect." I said as I took it from her and took a big drink from it. What the hell was I getting myself into? "Thanks" I said with a smile.   Willow:"So been stalking me long?" I asked with a smile as I sat across from him and is it wrong that I want to kiss him?   Lindsey:"Only for a couple of days" I said teasingly. "The coffee shop sealed the deal for me," I said with a smile. I held my beer in one hand and ran my other hand through my hair. Why was I so nervous?   Willow:"So you get off on pouring coffee on girls?" I joked.   Lindsey:"Only when they're as pretty as you." Wait...did I really just say that?! What an idiot! "Sorry, that was...uncalled for and cheesy." I said. FREAKING IDIOT!   Willow:I giggle "You are definatly interesting." I said softly "Ok really starting to like him..this is bad."   Lindsey:"Yeah...so what's for dinner?" I asked. I was eager to change the subject...I don't know what was wrong with me.   Willow:"Ahh it is true!" I declare "The way to a mans....attention is through his stomach." I would have said heart but I don't know that much yet.   Lindsey:"That it is" I said with a smile. "But, you avoided the question" I said with a smile. This woman was gorgeous...but I didn't want to jinx anything...this was a job.    Willow:"Ahh sorry, I am making roasted chicken and mashed potatoes."   Lindsey:"Wow...talk about a freaking chef. Here I was thinking it was like Mac 'n Cheese. You're a chef" I said with a smile. "Well, it smells delicious"   Willow:I shake my head "No, just actually like cooking."   Lindsey:I reached over and took her hand and pulled her hand towards me. "Thanks for inviting me over." Way to go idiot...you're scaring her away. I let go of her hand...and put my hands on my leg.   Willow:Ok he was just acting weird now. "You ok?" I asked "Is there something you need to talk about?" I was now concerned about him.   Lindsey:"Yeah, sorry" I said. How could I tell her that I was starting to like her? But she was just a job. "That was random, I know. It just happened..." I said   Willow:"I think its more than that, but if you don't want to talk about it its cool."   Lindsey:Wait. So now she thinks she know's me? Fuck that. I looked at her skeptically. "All of a sudden you're an expert on me?"   Willow:"No, I just know psych 101 and the way your acting says you want to tell me something but you seem to feel a need to hold back." I said sitting up and looking at him pointedly   Lindsey:I looked at her. She was joking right? "No..this is just uncomfortable...I'm not sure what I was thinking when I came over. We don't have much in common." I started to say.   Willow:"Really now? Why don't you tell me about you and we will see." I said ready to show him up.   Lindsey:Ha, she was joking right? I wasn't telling her my life story...not after barely knowing her. "I was sadly mistaken...I thought I could have been someone else...but I can't change who I am." I said. Screw Wolfram and Hart, I can't do this. Not to her...I could care for her. I couldn't do this to her...even if it was my life I was paying for it.   Willow:I looked at him confused. "What’s wrong?" I asked he had this look on his face. "What do you mean you could have been someone else?"   Lindsey:"I'm not the guy who gets the girl at the end of the day." I said finally. "I've never been that guy...I've never been the lucky one." I said finally. I stood up and looked at her. "Thanks for inviting me over though."   Willow:I stood up and stopped him "Don't...please tell me what is going on." (Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
10:50 pm	Southernflame Yesterday I had managed to spill coffee on a girl and then later find out that she was my mark and that the Senior Partner's wanted me to bring her in...and later that afternoon knocked her over at a restaurant. I was doing real good, I invited her to join me for lunch, she stayed for a little, but it got awkward quickly. She gave me her number, which was a good thing for me. There was something about her, Willow, the redhead that was different, I was mesmerized by her...that or infatuated with something that I can't have, because she seems to be unavailable, both in the physical and mental capacity. She just seemed distant or something...I'm not quite sure what it is. I woke up and looked at her number again, not like it had changed, I had already memorized it. I took a shower and got dressed into my suit and left for the office. Once at the office I listened to my messages. I had a meeting with the Senior Partners again...not good...not good at all. As soon as I listened to the message I left my office and took the elevator up to the conference room. I held my breathe as I walked in, as soon as the door closed two rather large demons grabbed ahold of me, I tried fighting back...although it was no use. "Mr. McDonald, we were told that you had an encounter with your mark and failed to bring her in...you do know that we don't appreciate failure? Yes?" said the voice in the dark. I felt a blow to my stomach, "Ughhh..." was the moan that came out of my mouth. "Yes sir, I did. She's a bit hesitant to ope-" Another hit to my chest, it knocked the wind out of me. "I...ugh..." I started to say, but was slowly getting air back into my lungs. "I'm working on it sir, I will not let the firm down." I said as I felt more blows landing onto my torso. "This is just a reminder" "Yes sir." I replied feeling more blows I had already lost count after 27...and now I was at these animal's mercy. The hits were coming harder and faster now, the good thing was that I was starting to lose pain in my body...my head jerked back as I felt the uppercut hit my chin. Another punch and I tasted my own blood. I spit out the blood in my mouth and my arms were released. I sagged a bit under my own weight, my own body betraying me. "Get out of here." "Yessir" I mumbled as I stumbled out of the office. The secretary looked at me shocked, but didn't say anything, not that I can blame her...she knew what was going to happen. I was lucky to be alive. I walked downstairs, stopping midflight and falling down the rest of the stairs until I was at the bottom, I laid in a heap of blood, bones, sore muscles...and god know's what else. It hurt...it hurt like a bitch. I stayed on the ground for a good 10 minutes, afraid that I'd never be able to get back up. I did manage to get back to my feet and finish the walk to my office. I closed my door and collapsed in my chair... I must have passed out, because 3 hours later I woke up and looked at the clock it was about 11:30 in the afternoon now. I grabbed the first aid kit from the secretary and walked into the bathroom, geez. I looked like hell, I had dried blood on my lip. I grabbed some alcohol wipes and got rid of the blood, it worked, but there was a pretty good size split in my lip, lucky there wasn't any visible bruises. I was scared to lift my shirt up, afraid to see the actual damage. I sucked in a breathe of air and lifted my shirt. Skittles...taste the rainbow. That's the first thing that came to mind, I was all sorts of different colored, I had bruises that were every color imaginable...for the most part. It hurt to fucking breathe...damn bastards got me good. I straightened myself in the mirror taking a few deep breaths, causing pain to me, but I had to get over it...had to learn to hide it. I pulled my act together and adjusted my tie and walked back to my office. I paced around my office, trying to be able to walk and breathe without wincing in pain, I was pretty good at it, didn't seem like anything was wrong. Nobody else would be able to tell. Lucky for me I was a hell of a liar. There was only one thing to do...schedule a date with Willow. I picked up the phone and my fingers flew over my keypad...it was as if I had been dialing the number my whole life. Ring. Ring. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
12:40 pm	I couldn't sleep, because everytime I started to dream, I had the same nightmare, which consequently was losing Willow again, but this time for good. Knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop her from risking her life, tore me up. I guess I was a Good guy now, but I still didn't give a damn what happened to the other people, I just wanted Willow to be safe, but now, I didn't care if I died, as long as Willow was ok. That was all I needed...for her to be safe. Damn, talk about a love sick puppy, look at what I've become. I used to be a force to be reckoned with, and here I am willing to lay my life down for what?! Her...Willow...the woman I loved. I waited until Willow's breathing was even, which meant she was asleep. I pulled my arm away from her and carefully got out of bed and then grabbed some clothes and then kissed Willow on the forehead on my way out. "I love you" I whispered softly as I closed the bedroom door behind me as I walked down the stairs and then went out to my truck. I drove to the gym and then proceeded to start working out, might as well stay in shape if there is going to be a fight or something. I needed someone to train with though, not some punching bag, I needed to spar with someone, get out the swords and just let it all go. Punching and kicking the punching bag was fun and it did help me relieve some of the built up anger and frustration, but it wasn't the same, because it didn't hit back. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
3:02 pm	What we've waited for... I've been waiting this all day, anticipating it. I don't know what to say or think, words can't describe the way I feel right now. So powerful, so alive, so in love. God, I do love her. Laurel, she has given me the world, and I'm still not sure why. But I swear that I will do nothing but be by her side forever. This is it, this is the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. I want to spend every moment of every day with her. With her by my side, us leading the pack. It's what she wants. Two bodies become one. That is us...two people from different worlds, united by our love for each other. Unwavering and unconditional love. She's broken down the walls that I had to keep myself from getting hurt, but she'd never hurt me. After meeting her parents and changing for the first time, we decided to have some fun. Well, Laurel did, and I was very happy to oblige her wishes. ( Cut for NC-17 things ) (Comment on this)
Friday, October 29th, 2004
10:02 pm	Coming home The airplane ride back from Tibet was crazy, I was so frustrated with these damn people, always getting in my way, acting high and mighty, as if somehow they were better than me. I boarded the plane and sat next to the window and looked down as we took off, the scenery becoming smaller by the minute, until it dissapeared and all I saw were the clouds. I put my head down and started to sleep. I remember going around Tibet, looking for the monks. I remember them helping with my magic, teaching me some new things that would help me. I remember getting the tattoo's the pain that had caused, it went a way after a while, left me sore for a bit, but now I am better. The monks also helped me remember some old fighting technique's, old martial art's that have died through the ages, but lived on through them. I have always had a knack for picking up martial arts, was always ready to defend myself. I had to be...always have been. I remember meditating with them, learning to harness some of the magic and my anger and then be able to use it to my advantage, I was becoming an excellent fighter. Even taking on the "master" and knocking him off his feet a few times. He said I had proven myself worthy, he gave me a small knife as a trophy. I took it from him, wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do with it, it looked like a sharp letter opener. The "master" nodded and told me to try it out. I took it in hand and then it grew into a very nice piece of metal, a sword. I couldn't hide the smile I had on my face, my very own magic sword. I bowed and thanked him for the gift. I woke up as we were beggining to land, fighting back a yawn as I stretched. My shirt had rolled up my arm and showed some of the tattoo's, I pushed the shirt back quickly, I didn't need anyone being suspicious. I had something to do. I got off the plane, grabbed my bag and grabbed a cab as I went and found a cab. I took it to the apartment. I stood in the elevator and opened the bag, I grabbed the "sand rose" out of a box. It was what I had brought Eve back, I hoped she had put up the wards on the apartment, I knew she would have. The elevator dinged and I stepped off, grabbing my bag, I walked towards the Apartment and knocked on the door softly. (Comment on this)